Why Admitting You Don’t Have All the Answers Makes You a Stronger Leader

How military leadership taught me that true strength comes from strategic vulnerability

The words felt like acid in my throat as I prepared to say them. Standing in front of 60 battle-hardened soldiers, some with combat deployments under their belts, others with decades of military experience, I was about to commit what I believed was leadership suicide.

“I don’t have all the answers,” I said, the words finally escaping. “And I need your help.”

In that moment, I was certain I had just destroyed any credibility I had built as their platoon leader. Military culture, with its emphasis on decisive leadership and clear command authority, seemed to leave little room for uncertainty. Leaders were supposed to have answers, not questions. They were supposed to direct, not ask for directions.

But what happened next changed everything I thought I knew about leadership strength.

A sergeant who had barely spoken in previous meetings raised his hand. “Sir, I’ve been waiting months for someone to ask. Here’s what I think we should do…” What followed was one of the most innovative solutions to a training challenge we’d faced, coming from someone whose experience I had been inadvertently silencing with my need to appear all-knowing.

That day, I discovered what I now call the Vulnerability Advantage – the counterintuitive truth that admitting what you don’t know makes you a stronger, not weaker, leader. This principle, tested in the unforgiving crucible of military leadership, has applications that extend far beyond the battlefield to every boardroom, classroom, and organization where leaders struggle with the burden of omniscience.

The Myth of the All-Knowing Leader

The myth of the omniscient leader is deeply embedded in our cultural DNA. From ancient kings believed to have divine wisdom to modern CEOs portrayed as visionary geniuses, we’ve created an impossible standard that does more harm than good. This myth is particularly pronounced in military culture, where decisive leadership can mean the difference between life and death.

When I first took command of my platoon, I carried this myth like body armor. I believed that to earn respect and maintain authority, I needed to:

• Have immediate answers to every question
• Never show uncertainty or doubt
• Project confidence even when I felt lost
• Make decisions quickly to appear decisive
• Avoid asking for input that might reveal gaps in my knowledge

This wasn’t just personal insecurity – it was what I thought leadership looked like. Movies, books, and even military training had reinforced the image of the commander who always knows what to do, who never hesitates, who leads through certainty and strength.

But here’s what those portrayals miss: the best military leaders throughout history haven’t been those who knew everything, but those who knew how to leverage the collective knowledge of their teams. General Dwight D. Eisenhower didn’t plan D-Day alone in brilliant isolation – he surrounded himself with experts and wasn’t afraid to say, “What do you think?” when faced with complex decisions.

The myth persists because it serves certain purposes:

• It simplifies complex situations into hero narratives
• It makes followers feel secure (initially)
• It flatters the ego of those in leadership positions
• It maintains traditional power structures

However, in today’s complex and rapidly changing environment – whether military or civilian – this myth isn’t just outdated; it’s dangerous.

My Journey to Vulnerability

My transformation didn’t happen overnight. It began with failure dressed as success. As I’ve shared before, my initial interpretation of servant leadership led me to try to do everything for everyone, creating an exhausting and unsustainable leadership model. But buried within that experience was a deeper fear – the fear of being exposed as inadequate.

The journey to vulnerability began with small cracks in my armor:

The First Crack: During a complex training exercise, a young specialist asked a question about tactical positioning that I couldn’t answer. My instinct was to deflect or give a vague response that sounded authoritative. Instead, perhaps from exhaustion, I said, “That’s a great question. I’m not sure. Let me find out.” The specialist’s response surprised me – he seemed more engaged, not less.

The Growing Fissure: A few weeks later, while planning a major field exercise, I found myself stuck on logistics coordination. Rather than struggle in isolation, I called my squad leaders together and said, “I’m trying to figure out the best way to coordinate our vehicle movements. What ideas do you have?” The flood of practical suggestions that followed made me realize how much knowledge I had been leaving untapped.

The Breakthrough: The real transformation came during a particularly challenging period when we were preparing for a major evaluation. The traditional approach would have been for me to develop the entire training plan and brief it to my platoon. Instead, I stood up and said those words that felt like acid: “I don’t have all the answers, and I need your help.”

What I discovered in that moment wasn’t weakness – it was a different kind of strength. By acknowledging my limitations, I had:

• Permitted for others to contribute
• Created space for innovation
• Built trust through authenticity
• Demonstrated confidence in my team
• Modeled the behavior I wanted to see

The Science of Vulnerability in Leadership

What I discovered through experience has now been validated by research. The concept of vulnerability in leadership has been extensively studied, with compelling results:

Psychological Safety: Amy Edmondson’s research at Harvard reveals that teams with high psychological safety – where members feel secure enough to take risks and make mistakes – consistently outperform those without such safety. Leaders who model vulnerability create a sense of safety.

Trust Building: Studies by Brené Brown and others demonstrate that vulnerability is the birthplace of trust. When leaders show their humanity, it creates deeper connections with their teams than any display of perfection ever could.

Innovation Catalyst: Google’s Project Aristotle found that psychological safety (created largely through leader vulnerability) was the number one factor in team effectiveness. Teams where members could admit mistakes and ask for help were the most innovative.

Neurological Response: Neuroscience research indicates that when leaders display vulnerability, it activates mirror neurons in their followers, fostering empathy and connection. This biological response strengthens team cohesion in ways that authoritarian leadership cannot.

But here’s what’s crucial: vulnerability in leadership isn’t about weakness or oversharing. It’s strategic, purposeful, and strength-based. It’s about creating an environment where the collective intelligence of the organization can flourish.

Practical Vulnerability: Setting Vision Without Dictating Path

One of the most powerful applications of vulnerability I discovered was in the space between vision and execution. Traditional military leadership often dictated both the destination and the route of operations. But vulnerable leadership looks different:

Traditional Approach: “We need to complete this training objective. Here’s exactly how we’ll do it, who will do what, and when each step will occur.”

Vulnerable Leadership: “Here’s where we need to get to and why it matters. I have some ideas about how we might get there, but I want to hear your thoughts on the best approach.”

This shift created remarkable results:

Ideas from Unexpected Sources

During one planning session, I outlined our training objectives and solicited input on their execution. A junior soldier who had been quiet in previous meetings raised his hand: “Sir, my last unit tried something similar. It didn’t work because of X, but if we adjusted for Y, it might solve our problem.”

His insight, based on experience I didn’t have, led to a training approach that was 50% more efficient than anything I had conceived. Had I maintained the facade of having all the answers, that innovation would have remained locked away.

Distributed Ownership

When people contribute to a plan, they own its success. By admitting I didn’t have all the answers and needed input, I transformed passive followers into active stakeholders. The energy shift was palpable – soldiers who had been going through the motions became engaged problem-solvers.

Rapid Adaptation

When plans inevitably needed adjustment (as all military plans do), the team could adapt quickly because they understood the underlying thinking. They weren’t just following orders; they were pursuing a shared vision through collectively developed means.

The Results Speak: Measuring the Impact of Vulnerable Leadership

The transformation in our platoon was measurable across multiple dimensions:

Team Engagement Metrics

Before embracing vulnerability:

• Meeting participation: 2-3 people regularly contributing
• Suggested improvements: Nearly zero
• Cross-team collaboration: Minimal

After the shift:

• Meeting participation: 15-20 active contributors
• Suggested improvements: 3-4 per week
• Cross-team collaboration: Became the norm

Innovation Outcomes

The platoon went from executing standard training to developing innovative approaches that were adopted battalion-wide. We created:

• New communication protocols that improved coordination by 40%
• Training scenarios that better prepare soldiers for real-world challenges
• Equipment modifications that solved persistent problems

These innovations didn’t come from my brilliance – they emerged from creating space for collective intelligence through vulnerability and openness.

Sustainable Success Indicators

Perhaps most tellingly, when I took leave, the platoon’s performance not only maintained but also improved. They had learned to think independently, support each other, and solve problems without waiting for “the boss” to have all the answers.

One sergeant told me later: “Sir, when you started asking for our input and admitting when you didn’t know something, it changed everything. We went from waiting for orders to taking ownership. We knew you trusted us, so we stepped up.”

Vulnerability Without Weakness: Redefining Leadership Courage

The key insight is that vulnerability in leadership isn’t about weakness – it’s about having the courage to be human in a role that often demands superhuman expectations. Here’s how to practice vulnerability while maintaining strength:

Strategic Vulnerability

Not every situation calls for vulnerability. In crisis moments requiring immediate action, decisive leadership is crucial. The key is knowing when to be directive and when to be collaborative. Vulnerability is a tool, not a constant state of being.

Boundary Setting

Vulnerable leadership doesn’t mean sharing every fear or uncertainty. It means being authentic about relevant limitations that impact the team. There’s a difference between “I’m unsure about this tactical approach” and oversharing personal anxieties.

Confidence in Uncertainty

The strongest leaders can say “I don’t know” with confidence. It takes more courage to admit uncertainty than to fake certainty. This paradox – being confidently uncertain – is the hallmark of mature leadership.

Vulnerable Strength in Action

Here’s what vulnerable strength looks like in practice:

• “I don’t have experience with this situation. Who here has dealt with something similar?”
• “My initial thought is X, but I might be missing something. What perspectives am I not considering?”
• “I made a decision yesterday that I now think was wrong. Here’s what I learned and how we’ll adjust.”
• “This is new territory for all of us. Let’s figure it out together.”

Each of these statements projects strength through honesty, not weakness through uncertainty.

Your Vulnerability Advantage Awaits

The journey from all-knowing leader to vulnerably strong leader isn’t easy. It requires unlearning deeply embedded beliefs about authority and control. It demands courage to appear imperfect in a world that rewards the image of perfection. But the payoff – in innovation, engagement, trust, and sustainable success – far exceeds the discomfort.

Whether you’re leading a military platoon, a corporate team, a nonprofit organization, or a family, the principle remains: admitting you don’t have all the answers doesn’t diminish your leadership – it multiplies it. It transforms you from a single point of knowledge to a conductor of collective intelligence.

The next time you face a challenge that exceeds your expertise, resist the urge to fake omniscience. Instead, try vulnerability. Say those difficult words: “I don’t have all the answers, and I need your help.” Then watch as your team rises to fill the space you’ve created with their knowledge, creativity, and commitment.

In a world of rapid change and increasing complexity, the leaders who will thrive aren’t those who pretend to know everything, but those who excel at mobilizing the knowledge of everyone. The vulnerability advantage isn’t just a nice-to-have leadership trait – it’s becoming a survival skill.

The question isn’t whether you can afford to be vulnerable as a leader. The question is whether you can afford not to be.

LaVar Matthews helps leaders transform their organizations through the power of vulnerable, inclusive leadership. His programs teach executives how to build stronger teams by embracing strategic vulnerability and collaborative problem-solving. Drawing from military experience and validated by corporate success stories, LaVar’s approach helps leaders at all levels discover their vulnerability advantage.